Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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