she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
