did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A bitchslap is in order.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
