i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
