I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
