Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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