I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
