dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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