I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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