The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
foreskin is a definite game changer
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
