Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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