Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
