My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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