you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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