no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
