At least make sure they are 18
Why
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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