One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
