2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize