so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
