I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
