She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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