this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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