they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
