Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
