I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
