Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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