I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
