I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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