my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
