So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize