my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
