I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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