Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
