Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
