dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize