i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
