Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You dont lie about slip and slides
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize