She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
