Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Shame is for Republicans.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
