So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
