Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
