I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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