i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
