do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize