I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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