i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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