Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my being single is dangerous.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
