i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
