Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
