fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
