please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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