legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
