i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize