We're facebook friends in real life
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
