it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't turn off my feet"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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