Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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