He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
