The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
