Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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