i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
