Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
