pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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